Thursday, 30 July 2009

Sleepless and Wakeful

I am spending too many hours awake at night for my own good these days.
I'm really not sure why.
There's a combination of factors which aren't helping.

1.I'm probably too sensitive to caffeine to be having even one coffee a day, let alone a double shot in the morning (enjoyable though it most definitely is) plus a cup of filtered later on in the day. And that on top of my necessary 2 daily cups of tea, of course.

2.Habit is an annoying friend. It sticks around when it's not wanted, unable to 'take a hint' and insensitive to needs other than her own; I have never been a great sleeper. And even when I have no good reason to be awake, my body is frustratingly slow on the uptake, and emerges from a sleep cycle just that little bit too enthusiastically around 3:00 a.m pretty much e.v.e.r.y night. I then stay awake for an hour or three... I read, I pray, I cry, I make myself a milky drink on very bad nights, then fall asleep exhausted at the break of dawn, knowing I'll be awake again about an hour later!

3.My busy little mind doesn't do me any favours. My body wakes up out of habit - and then the thinking takes over. And they're not even panicky thoughts, or upset thoughts. Just, you know, 'life' thoughts... They tend to snowball at this time of night. Just because they can, I guess. And because I indulge them, too?
Ah to be a straightforward, down-to-earth, practical girl that just gets on with things! But no, I'm a thinker. And not even the productive sort either. It's not like I'm going to find a cure for cancer or anything...

So anyway, 3 possible vague reasons for being awake at night. I hate it. But actually, a tiny warped part of me kinda likes it, this little bit of time in the dead of night which belongs to no-one else.

Although I have a strong feeling God would probably say it ought to belong to Him... One day, I hope I'll be graceful enough to give these wakeful hours to Him, but mostly these days, being awake at night makes me a bit cross.