I don't really know how to write this post, so I guess I'll ramble on and see where it takes me... Please forgive my possible (probable) lack of coherence!
I've had a lot to think about and to mull over these last few days. Decisions to make that could potentially affect the rest of my life as I know it...
Over the top??
As ever, I seem to find myself in the eye of the storm! And I could say I've been rather unsettled, confused, and not slept much. However, I think a decision has been made. And while it doesn't feel great, I know it is the right one. The following thoughts are what I think were God's loving, gracious whispers as I wrestled with my thoughts, gently nudging me in the right direction. For His glory.
There are many decisions one has to make over a lifetime. Big, important decisions such as deciding to get married, deciding on a career path, choosing a house to buy, the name of a child, where to invest one's money, ...
But other decisions too, on matters of the heart. Choices of attitudes, of allegiance, of morals, and so on... Those, in fact, are just as important.
But what it boils down to is this: I am a free human being, with free will; and I have 2 basic choices for any decision that I have to make...
The choices are: a) do my own thing, at my own risk, regardless of what God thinks (and there are many hints of what God thinks in the Bible). Do what feels good, what makes me 'happy', fulfilled; choose what excites me, what 'tickles my fancy', and what the world would tell me is the most logical, 'sensible' choice. Choose the easy, nice, convenient way. And bear the consequences not just for myself but quite possibly see others' lives around me altered because of my decision.
Or b) choose the way of sacrifice, of pain (sometimes), of what would appear to the world as foolish; the narrow path, the path that might hurt, but is holy, and right in God's sight. The path of purity, of love, of grace, of faithfulness...
Whatever the cost to me.
Because that is what pleases God. And the beautiful thing about choosing what I know will please God, is that He knows what is best for me, and my loved ones. So much better than I do. And it pleases Him to give me what is best for me, even if it doesn't feel like the best thing at the time.
What do I know?!?!
God has plans for each of us. He has amazing plans for me and my family. But the fulfilment of His plans in my life depend largely on whether I choose to walk the narrow way, or do my own thing. And I want to make sure that I continue to be amazed and surprised by Him, instead of taking matters into my own hands, and wreaking havoc with His plans! Whatever they may be.
An important thing to add to all this however, is that God makes generous allowances for our mistakes, and is in the habit of continually and patiently redeeming situations that seem hopeless.
His grace covers me.
And my loved ones.