Saturday, 4 October 2008
Expecting Thomas (Early Days #1)
But this one was different, in that it was 'ordinary'; this may sound a bit strange, but it makes total sense really: with Sam, I was a nervous, chocolate-addicted wreck, and always expecting to miscarry! With Ben, I was depressed, and in constant pain and discomfort... I am pretty certain that the mother's emotional 'state' in pregnancy has a direct impact on the child's disposition later in life, and I can verify this first-hand; Sam and Ben are incredibly highly strung, while Thomas is pretty laid-back and 'happy-go-lucky' most of the time. Incidentally I wonder whether the reverse is also true, and whether the child's personality, which is God-given at conception, might have an effect on the mother's mood during pregnancy.
*Hmmm.... Interesting thought. Note to self: Maybe I could research this in a bit more depth when I eventually start my midwifery??*
In any case, expecting Thomas was fairly 'textbook' and enjoyable. Here is an entry taken from my diary, written in May 2002: "over the last 2 years or so I have discovered 3 ways of keeping depression at bay - spend time reading the Bible, praying and worshipping God; keep busy, get 'out'; and get pregnant! Although this is only temporary and has downsides to it..., it feels pretty great." It seems astounding to me, now, that this is how I felt, 6 months into my 2nd pregnancy! That I should see pregnancy as an antidote to being 'down'!
And this was to characterise the next few months as well, as I came to full-term, delivered, and started to get to know my Thomas. My experience during this time was one of joy, purpose, and contentedness. I remember it as a time in my life when I was anything but depressed. And this, believe it or not, continued well after Tom's diagnosis...