I have been in turmoil over a very confusing situation over the last few months. It is not something I can openly share as it is deeply personal - which makes it frustrating as well as confusing!
I still have many unanswered questions, and, while I know God is holding my hand as I walk through this, my trust in Him is not steadfast as it should be.
There are many issues at stake here: trust (definitely); integrity; obedience; faithfulness; patience; holiness; sacrifice; and ultimately there is the issue of who/ what rules my heart, mind, and life...
Now the following may seem unrelated, but I am pretty sure it is not.
Over the last week, I felt the Lord ask me to fast, not from food, but rather from one or two things that were keeping me away from Him.
So I decided to take a break from my computer completely, and also to cut out of my diet all sweet, creamy, sugary 'treats'.
The first was so that I could spend more time with God, myself, my husband, my kids..., instead of reaching for the laptop every five minutes.
I was wasting SO MUCH TIME!!
Time which is so very precious in my very finite life on earth. Being 'on' the computer, on Facebook, blogging (wonderful as it is!), or just 'surfing the net' - had become one of my number one priorities. It was as if my life depended on it. And it was beginning to seriously affect a few very important relationships. So I seriously needed a break.
The second was in order to break a habit, a vicious cycle - that of reaching for the treats when I am bored or fed up (or both) - especially when winding down in front of the TV at the end of a long day. This has always been an issue for me, as it is for many people I know.
I have such a sweet tooth.
I love sweet..., creamy..., yummy puddings. And cookies... And chocolate. And cake!!
But after an indulgent session I feel SOOO guilty, so fat, so unhealthy, so depressed, so...filthy. Can anyone reading this relate to these feelings?
While it has been an interesting week, I can tell you God still hasn't finished what He has been doing.
I think the 'situation' which I mentioned at the beginning has taken my attention away from Him so much that a lot of things in my life have been affected as a result. So this 'fast', this break, is about me showing Him my desire to make Him number one again. To make me more sensitive to His whispers, and more able to see Him at work.
And to make me closer; much, much closer.
So I am going to continue my fast until I feel He says it is time to stop...
I will be back here then (try keeping me away!!) - but not before.
PS: I will continue to check my email but that is all. Please feel free to drop me a line on there, I would be glad of the support.