Remember what I wrote a few posts ago? (see here and here)
While details are too sensitive to share in such a 'public' place, I can truly say 'things' have become too overwhelming to be left untouched.
God is whispering to me about true obedience right now, and I have never known such a struggle within my will. Our pastor spoke incredibly powerfully today about the need to sacrifice one's WILL and that this was real sacrifice, not some poor attempt at 'buying God off' with cheap substitutes.
"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams..." (1 Sam 15v22 - read the whole chapter here)I am learning that obedience COSTS... and that the pain of choosing to do God's will right now feels unbearable, almost in a physical way. Yet isn't that what Jesus did at Gethsemane?
I shed many many tears after the talk tonight! I am still struggling with my thoughts, and trying to justify why my way might still possibly be best. Pathetic really, because there is no contest for God's way. His ways are not our ways, His ways are higher than our ways, and much harder - but His ways are best.
Please be praying for me, friends, that I would choose life, and obey my Father in the same way that Jesus obeyed: "He humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!" (Phil 2v8)