Saturday, 17 November 2007

Where is your treasure?? (Integrity 1)

Ok Lord... that hurts.
But it's true! You're so right. I'm sorry... Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Where am I?? Where have I been these last few weeks? Months??

Erm... The truth is: anywhere but at your feet Lord.
This is my confession tonight.

I don't even need to tot up the exact number of hours I spend watching TV, reading 'junk-lit', 'surfing' the net, and thinking or worrying about myself - to realise that there is something very wrong in my priorities.

I know I'm really good at giving myself a hard time and don't want to lose sight of what You are trying to say here. But why is it I'm not praying with urgency for my needy neighbours?? Why am I not seeing more power in my life and the lives of those around me? Why am I not seeing Your answers to my prayers? Why am I not hearing You more clearly? Why am I often so unsure of who I am in You and insecure in my relationships with others?

I confess Lord: I have become diluted; lukewarm; I have forsaken You, my first love. And oh too easily replaced You with the things of this world: junk which feeds me for a little while but always leaves me craving something more, and never satisfies...

Oh Lord!! Increase my hunger for reading Your Word! My longing to spend more time with You. Renew my desire to put You above all others! Because You are my treasure... Open the eyes of my heart Lord, so I can really see You!"

Tonight I am so aware how easy it is for me to get caught up in the things of this world, and to get sucked into a way of living my life which is not consistent with what I say I believe. We were discussing what it means to live a life of 'integrity' in our cell group last week. I guess this got me thinking a little more than I was anticipating!! As I confessed a particular sin that I have been struggling with for a while, a way seems to have opened up for the Holy Spirit to do a bit of spring cleaning... And I am feeling the Lord's discipline: in love, with gentle tenderness, He is helping me and allowing me to see, confess and turn away from sin, so I can be free. Isn't He good? Isn't He the most AMAZING Father?!?!?!!!


  1. I know.

    So often I cry out, "Where are You?" and He gently answers that He hasn't budged. It is I who have strayed. Computer, television, books... general laziness.

    I hear your heart cry, friend, and I echo it with you. Let's grab hold again.

  2. Thank you sweet friend! I feel a little less alone in this knowing your heart echoes in the same way.

  3. Rachel,

    He is so good and amazing in His dealings with us. And faithful to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that His mercies are new every morning... we can begin afresh again and again. I know that I need to so often!

    Thank you for your vulnerbility here. Such a beautiful heart you have, friend. :)

  4. funnily enough i often find God talking to me on the net - and he's done it again tonight...

  5. Paul - It's so good to hear that this spoke to your heart!! I'm humbled and grateful. How you doing?


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