Thursday, 8 March 2007

Darling

Three posts in a day...Does that make up for the lack of writing in the past few days??

I need to get something off my chest:
This side of heaven, I am nobody's "darling", apart from my husband's!!!
I hate the way many people have of using special, intimate terms of endearment in such a lighthearted, careless fashion.
One has to respect a certain etiquette in relationships. I don't much like the word "etiquette" but cannot think of a better one, so for the time being, it'll have to do.
My husband calls me 'darling', 'love', 'Rach', and so on. Whatever he wants to call me, as long as it is nice and edifying (!!!) he has my unspoken permission to call me, because I am his, and he is mine. And he understands me and what I like to be called and not.
Close, intimate friends who I would say are my 'equals' (in terms of age, stage of life, emotional giving and receiving, etc), have the right to call me 'Rach'; some call me 'honey', or 'sweetie', or 'lovely'... but none of my really intimate friends call me 'darling', because there is an understanding, again, of what is and isn't appropriate. And for me, being called 'darling' by someone who isn't my husband is actually quite offensive.
I'm sorry if this comes across as brutal, harsh, ungracious, unpleasant, or downright nasty...
I guess my patience is being tried by various situations at the moment and the stress levels have risen almost too high. And this post is simply a reflection of how I am feeling and responding to some of the things going on in my life.
I would like to write more on relationships at some later stage, and on my struggle and strivings to put boundaries in place in order to protect myself and those who are dearest to me.
I am beginning to see how crucial this is, and how I have so often failed, in my life, with the result that, many times I have found myself in situations which I've not known how to get out of, because of lack of boundaries.
But for now, this is a boundary I am sure of: please, don't call me 'darling' unless I am married to you...

3 comments:

  1. i don't let anyone call me darling either... ;)

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  2. Better not walk down Walthamstow market then, cos you'll definitely get called 'dar-lin' (in that beautiful East London accent).
    Oh a more serious note, I do understand what you're getting at :-)

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  3. Rachel,

    We don't use the term "darling" much here, but my *biggest* pet peeve is being called "sweety", "honey", whatnot, by people I don't know very well. It just feels sort of patronizing. I know this is a little different than what you're expressing with boundaries and all...but I can understand where you're coming at with that, too.

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