Friday, 30 March 2007
I am only human. (How old am I?!?! Yes, ok, it's taken me nearly 33 years to come to this conclusion. I don't know, maybe that's not actually too bad going...)
And, no, I'm not really coping.
Life is hard going, my kids are extremely demanding, my relationships are under strain, and my health is less than perfect.
So, after the post I wrote about a month ago about going it alone, I've started taking my tablets again - on the doctor's advice obviously...
I have surrendered, and realised that, just for the time being, I need the extra help and support of the antidepressants. It's not a failure, and my life's not a failure; on the contrary my life is amazing! But right now I just can't cope with extreme highs and lows. I need settling down, just a little...just for now...and find rest in my creator's embrace... 'For my yoke is easy and my burden is light'.
Paul: I'd love to hear your thoughts, please, on:
what is a blog to you: is it like a church? is it community? something else? and in the light of that:
do you feel that you have responsibility towards those that you interact with online - if so what does this means for you in practice? Do you think the Bible, or Common Sense or just Plain Manners says anything about how we should behave towards one another when we engage in 'community' online?
Mrs W: For me, my own blog is a bit like an extension of my home, another room almost. It's also an extension (or an expression) of my devotional life, another creative outlet for worship...
Paul: I'm intrigued, how do you see your reflections as part of your worship - is it the act of sharing in spirit and in truth? is it in the writing/expressing? the seeking/longing? I love the idea so would love to hear more how you see this?
Worship is a complex thing yet it is also so simple. It is really just about how I live my life, and whether the way I do this pleases God, and blesses His heart. And I see this as involving every nook and cranny of my daily existence. It's not simply about music/ singing/ and any other artistic expression we may engage in on a Sunday in church.
I love the way Andrea is constantly seeking to find beauty in the mundane (you can find an example of what I mean here!) - to me, that is also worship. Why? First because that's an acknowledgement that God is and wants to be intimately involved in the small things, in the details of our lives. And acknowledging this is, in my view, an act/ an expression - of worship. Second: to see beauty where most people would only see ugliness is a choice: it is choosing to involve God in the small, mundane, sometimes messy and ugly stuff of our lives. It is, in effect, putting Him at the centre, and that, to me, is worship.
So let's get to this thing about blogging being 'an extension of my devotional life', and 'another creative outlet for worship'... I desire to place God at the centre of everything I do, everything I say and everything I think. And I sincerely want my blog, here, to reflect that desire and be a place of transparency, where God is at the centre of anything I post. I am so keen to make it as beautiful as I know how...which to me is another way of expressing my love, my worship, to Him. Finally, by writing about my various experiences of life as a mother, a wife, and a daughter of the King, my longing is to help others to see that God can help us be victorious in each of our circumstances.
I recently came across a definition of worship which is exactly in line with everything that I want my life to be. It happens to be in the Bible...the best book of all time:
"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. This is your spiritual act of worship" (Romans 12:1-2a)
So, here you have it, it is not a comprehensive answer by any stretch of the imagination, but it'll have to do, for now!
Wednesday, 28 March 2007
Sunday, 25 March 2007
(As inspired by the lovely Andrea, who has a beautiful blog with some gorgeous photos and many inspiring, godly thoughts on the nitty-gritty of life as a mother...See here also. This concept was originally started as a Flickr group, where 'Corners of My Home' is described as "a place to share the favorite little spots in your home-the spots that make you truly feel something-joy, peace, whatever it may be. It doesn't need to be a literal corner-perhaps just a nook or cranny or object." )
This is, hopefully, the first in a series of little snapshots of my home, corners that I like to go to, to be refreshed, to rest, and get away from the busyness of life. And this picture shows our 'garden room', a new-ish addition to our house. It is a truly delightful room, with a real sense of the presence of God and His peace. No TV, no toys, no children are allowed here, and it is also where we play music, have our 'cell-group' meetings, and entertain 'guests'. I love this room, and am thankful for it...
Saturday, 24 March 2007
Sunday, 18 March 2007
So, here are the lyrics of a beautiful song by David Crowder, which recently has been echoing my heart's ache for more closeness with God, my desire to pour out my whole being as a sacrifice of worship to Him...
At the feet of You who's crowned
And take my life, I'm letting go
I lift it up, to You who's throned
And I will worship You Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Wednesday, 14 March 2007
Sunday, 11 March 2007
And I can honestly say today that so far my faith has been challenged and nurtured by it! Of course it would, and never will, replace God's amazing Word, but through it, every day, I have been nourished and blessed. I would sincerely advise anyone who finds life 'hard work', busy and a struggle at times, to hurry up and get a copy; anyone who finds themselves frequently weak, weary, parched will be hugely built up by the anointed wisdom that is there in every page.
Thursday, 8 March 2007
I need to get something off my chest:
This side of heaven, I am nobody's "darling", apart from my husband's!!!
I hate the way many people have of using special, intimate terms of endearment in such a lighthearted, careless fashion.
One has to respect a certain etiquette in relationships. I don't much like the word "etiquette" but cannot think of a better one, so for the time being, it'll have to do.
My husband calls me 'darling', 'love', 'Rach', and so on. Whatever he wants to call me, as long as it is nice and edifying (!!!) he has my unspoken permission to call me, because I am his, and he is mine. And he understands me and what I like to be called and not.
Close, intimate friends who I would say are my 'equals' (in terms of age, stage of life, emotional giving and receiving, etc), have the right to call me 'Rach'; some call me 'honey', or 'sweetie', or 'lovely'... but none of my really intimate friends call me 'darling', because there is an understanding, again, of what is and isn't appropriate. And for me, being called 'darling' by someone who isn't my husband is actually quite offensive.
I'm sorry if this comes across as brutal, harsh, ungracious, unpleasant, or downright nasty...
I guess my patience is being tried by various situations at the moment and the stress levels have risen almost too high. And this post is simply a reflection of how I am feeling and responding to some of the things going on in my life.
I would like to write more on relationships at some later stage, and on my struggle and strivings to put boundaries in place in order to protect myself and those who are dearest to me.
I am beginning to see how crucial this is, and how I have so often failed, in my life, with the result that, many times I have found myself in situations which I've not known how to get out of, because of lack of boundaries.
But for now, this is a boundary I am sure of: please, don't call me 'darling' unless I am married to you...
I am not asking anyone here to tell me or explain, but I just want to record some things, in a bid to try and make sense of them a little more.