Thursday, 11 January 2007

Moving on

Right, gosh am I glad that last one is 'done'!! Although, trust me, the grief never completely goes away.
Only the other day I found a CD that I hadn't managed to listen to since Claire had died, as it was by an artist who had been our 'teenage idol', and had listened to time after time, and whose songs we knew off by heart. So I thought: "I need to know how it would feel to listen one more time; if I don't then I might as well just bin the thing"...and I promptly (and bravely - lol) decided to give it a go.
Everything was going fine until the third track started playing, and I slowly started to feel a wave of pain washing over me, and tears pouring down my face uncontrollably. Boy it hurt!!
Until that day, I was really convinced I was as 'over' it as I was ever going to be...but I have now learnt my lesson: grief can subtly come at any time, and kidnap your emotions for as long as it sees fit - and actually, I'm quite grateful that it does!
I had not cried like that for a very, very long time, and it was a hugely cleansing, helpful thing.
And I understand what people mean when they talk about 'the gift of tears'.
I suspect there are lots more to come, and I'd like to think I will welcome them, instead of trying to fight them...

4 comments:

  1. i never quite understood why Jesus would say 'blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted' but over your last couple of posts I think I have begun to see a glimmer of light and a more hopeful way of looking at loss, so thank you again...

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  2. yup, I hate 'suffering', I really do - but if it means it'll get me closer to God and more refined,and help other people in the process then I think I am up for it - mostly, lol!
    I am so grateful for your comment, yet again. That was exactly what I was hoping it would do, namely demonstrate that there is always hope in the midst of suffering.
    Cheers, brother :-)

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  3. ps: what time were you up this morning, by the way?!?!

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  4. you don't wanna know the weird hrs I keep, lol. Let's just say I am a light sleeper, take ages to drop off and often can't so end up awake til late and I feel tired - which is not why I enjoy reading and being enlightened/encouraged by the wisedome in other people's blogs :)

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