Thursday, 11 January 2007
Only the other day I found a CD that I hadn't managed to listen to since Claire had died, as it was by an artist who had been our 'teenage idol', and had listened to time after time, and whose songs we knew off by heart. So I thought: "I need to know how it would feel to listen one more time; if I don't then I might as well just bin the thing"...and I promptly (and bravely - lol) decided to give it a go.
Everything was going fine until the third track started playing, and I slowly started to feel a wave of pain washing over me, and tears pouring down my face uncontrollably. Boy it hurt!!
Until that day, I was really convinced I was as 'over' it as I was ever going to be...but I have now learnt my lesson: grief can subtly come at any time, and kidnap your emotions for as long as it sees fit - and actually, I'm quite grateful that it does!
I had not cried like that for a very, very long time, and it was a hugely cleansing, helpful thing.
And I understand what people mean when they talk about 'the gift of tears'.
I suspect there are lots more to come, and I'd like to think I will welcome them, instead of trying to fight them...